Separate Checks? 7 Money Tips for Older Daters

Life’s too short to let money issues spoil a first date – especially in the autumn of your life.

For singles of a certain age, the finances of dating can get tricky. Many older Americans are rolling in wealth. Others are hemorrhaging money from divorce, supporting adult children or overextended on mortgage debt. The person sitting across the table could be the millionaire next door, or on the brink of bankruptcy.

“Age makes things different,” said George Mannes, personal finance editor at AARP The Magazine. “The older that you get, the harder it can be to get a rough idea of a potential partner’s or a date’s finances.”

Older daters face a unique set of challenges, AARP reports in a new article titled “When Romance Meets Finance,” published in its June-July issue.

Retirees generally live on a fixed income. They’re more likely to be on a budget. They are potentially more vulnerable to scams. And they may run into conflicting values around matters of etiquette, such as who picks up the check.

Here are seven money tips for older daters, from AARP, NerdWallet and other sources.

Figure Out Who’s Paying

Traditional rules of heterosexual courtship dictate that the man pays on a first date, Mannes said.

Many older Americans still live by those rules. But not all, and older daters are free to set rules that feel comfortable to them.

“You get to the point where you are two mature adults, and you can talk about money and expectations,” Mannes said.

If you prefer to pay on a first date, AARP columnist Lizzie Post suggests, say something like, “Please let it be my treat, regardless of how this works out.”

If you’d rather split the bill, say so up front. Your forthrightness will set the tone for future dates.

“If you can’t talk about who should pay on the second date,” Mannes said, “it’s probably not a good match.”

Set a Budget

The average American spends a whopping $168 per date, according to a 2025 survey from BMO.

Interestingly, younger daters tend to spend more than older ones. Gen Z spends an average $194 on a night out, compared with $191 for millennials, $172 for Gen X and only $127 for boomers, BMO reports.

Older Americans should set a budget for dating, AARP suggests, especially if they are on a fixed income.

“When you are on a limited income, it helps to budget almost anything in your life,” Mannes said.

If you exhaust your monthly budget, stop going on dates. In addition to saving money, that rule can help you “pace yourself in the dating pool,” Mannes said.

Consider Low-Cost Fun

A lavish first date can create “a sense of heightened, and perhaps uncomfortable, expectation,” AARP reports.

To keep things low-key, consider a low-cost destination, like a local zoo.

“No zoo in your area? Think coffee shops, museums or bookstores,” dating coach Bela Gandhi told AARP.

Setting a dating budget (see above) can inspire you to think up inexpensive dates, Mannes said.

For example, a monthly dating budget of $200 might allow for only one steakhouse dinner, but it could fund several coffeehouse outings.

Carry Cash

There are at least two good reasons to bring cash on a first date, AARP reports.

First, cash in hand makes it easier to split a bill, especially if the other party is pressing to treat. You can counter by saying, “I really appreciate that you want to treat me, but I’m not comfortable with that, so I’m going to leave $40 here,” said Post, the AARP columnist.

Second, if the date is not going well, cash makes it easier to make your escape.

Look Out for Scams

Americans over age 60 lost more than $7.7 billion to internet scams in 2025, with the average older victim losing more than $38,000, according to the FBI.

The dating world for older Americans is rife with potential scams. Roughly half of online daters ages 50 and over have encountered a likely scam on a dating site or app, Pew Research reports.

“Dating sites can be risky for people of all ages, and particularly older adults, because scammers often target people who are likely to have accumulated retirement savings,” said Kimberly Palmer, personal finance expert at NerdWallet.

There are several ways to guard against dating scams, AARP says. One is to verify the identity of the prospective dating partner, searching their name online or running a “reverse” image search on a photo.

And be alert for clues that a potential dating partner may be planning a scam.

“Any request for money for any reason before you meet is a huge red flag,” Mannes said. “Also, any refusal to meet in person is a huge red flag.”

Don’t Feel Obliged to Talk About Money

Daters should wait for the right time to talk about money, AARP advises.

If someone asks you a money question on a date that feels too personal, you don’t have to answer it.

In response, “a good question is, ‘Why do you want to know?’” Mannes said.

On the other hand, older daters should be on the lookout for odd financial behavior from a companion. If someone pays for everything in cash, for example, it could be a form of financial discipline – or a sign of really bad credit.

Don’t Let Money Ruin Your Date

Older Americans should be savvy about finance when they’re dating, AARP says. But don’t assume every potential dating partner is out to get you.

Avoid the impulse to label someone as cheap or profligate after one or two dates, AARP advises. Instead, take some time to learn what they have gone through in their financial life.

“It’s not like everybody in the world is going after your money,” Mannes said. “They may be on the dating site because they’re looking for love.”