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I was twenty-eight when I watched my second startup implode in real-time. Eighteen months of work, investor money evaporating, team members updating their LinkedIn profiles. The worst part? We’d done so many things right. We had the right market timing, solid tech, genuine customer interest.
But sometimes that’s not enough.
That failure forced me to do something I’d been avoiding my entire adult life: separate who I was from what I did. And honestly? It was the hardest growth experience I’ve ever gone through. When you’re borrowing money from your parents just to make rent, you start questioning everything about yourself.
But here’s what Denzel Washington understood that took me years to figure out: every failure is actually forward motion if you’re willing to look at it the right way. His famous “fall forward” philosophy isn’t just motivational fluff. It’s about recognizing that failure contains something success never can – the raw materials for your next breakthrough.
Why we’re terrified of failure (and why that’s completely backwards)
Let’s be real for a second. When was the last time you celebrated a failure? Not the “learning experience” you talk about in job interviews, but an actual, spectacular face-plant?
Yeah, thought so.
We live in a success-obsessed culture where failure feels like social death. Instagram doesn’t have a filter for “tried and bombed.” LinkedIn doesn’t have a reaction button for “epic fail.” We’ve created this narrative where successful people just win, over and over, like they’re playing life on easy mode.
But that’s not how it works. Not even close.
The most successful people I know have failure stories that would make your stomach turn. They just don’t lead with them at cocktail parties. They’ve internalized something crucial: failure isn’t the opposite of success. It’s a component of it.
Think about it this way. Every time you fail, you eliminate one approach that doesn’t work. You gather data. You build resilience muscles you didn’t know you had. You learn things about yourself that success could never teach you.
The science of falling forward
Here’s something fascinating. Research suggests that the path from failure to success is not straightforward; while some individuals learn from their mistakes and achieve success, others continue to fail, highlighting the complex dynamics between failure and eventual success.
What separates those who bounce back from those who don’t? It’s not talent. It’s not luck. It’s how they process the failure.
When my startup failed, I spent the first month wallowing. Poor me, right? But then I started doing something different. I wrote down everything – and I mean everything – that went wrong. Not to torture myself, but to extract every possible lesson from that expensive education.
What I discovered shocked me. About 60% of what went wrong was completely outside my control. Market conditions shifted. A key partner backed out. A competitor got funded with 10x our budget. But that other 40%? Pure gold. Those were the mistakes I could actually learn from.
Reframing failure as data collection
Every failed experiment gives you information. Every rejection teaches you something about your approach. Every setback shows you where your blind spots are.
When I stopped seeing my failed startup as a personal catastrophe and started seeing it as an incredibly expensive research project, everything changed. Suddenly, I wasn’t a failure. I was someone with rare, hard-won knowledge about what doesn’t work.
You know what’s worse than failing? Failing and learning nothing from it. That’s just suffering without purpose.
The key is to be systematic about it. After every setback, ask yourself three questions:– What specifically went wrong?– What was within my control?– What will I do differently next time?
Simple questions, but most people never ask them. They’re too busy either beating themselves up or making excuses.
The identity trap that keeps us stuck
Here’s the real reason failure hits so hard: we make it personal. We don’t say “my project failed.” We say “I’m a failure.” See the difference?
This was my biggest struggle when my startup went under. For years, I’d introduced myself as “founder of…” My entire identity was wrapped up in that title. When the company died, I felt like I died with it.
But failure doesn’t have to define you unless you let it. You are not your results. You are not your job title. You are not your bank account balance.
Once I separated my identity from my work, something incredible happened. I could take bigger risks. I could experiment more freely. I could fail without feeling like my entire self-worth was on the line.
Why successful people fail more than everyone else
Here’s a counterintuitive truth: highly successful people fail way more than average people. They just fail forward.
They understand that failure is a numbers game. The more you try, the more you fail, but also the more you succeed. Most people are so afraid of failure that they never really try. They stay in their safe zone, avoiding both failure and breakthrough success.
But what if you flipped the script? What if instead of trying to avoid failure, you actively courted it? Not in a reckless way, but strategically. Taking calculated risks. Experimenting constantly. Treating every outcome as valuable data.
This doesn’t mean being careless. It means being willing to put yourself out there knowing that failure is not just possible but probable. And being okay with that.
The bottom line
Look, I get it. Failure sucks. It’s embarrassing, expensive, and emotionally brutal. When I had to call my parents for a loan during my darkest days, I felt like I’d hit rock bottom. But paying them back? That became one of my proudest moments. Not because of the money, but because it represented something bigger – that I’d taken the hit, learned the lessons, and come back stronger.
Denzel Washington’s “fall forward” philosophy isn’t about pretending failure doesn’t hurt. It’s about recognizing that every failure contains the seeds of your next success, but only if you’re willing to look for them.
The truth is, you’re going to fail. Probably multiple times. The question isn’t whether you’ll fail, but what you’ll do with that failure. Will you let it define you, or will you let it refine you?
Every failed experiment really is one step closer to success. But only if you’re actually running experiments. Only if you’re extracting the lessons. Only if you’re willing to fall forward.
So here’s my challenge to you: What have you been avoiding because you’re afraid of failing? What experiment have you been putting off? What risk seems too scary to take?
Maybe it’s time to take that leap. And if you fall? Well, at least make sure you fall forward.
