Once more it is that time of the year. Yep, time to head to the Tip Jar because *checks calendar*
Wait, what? How did it get to be so late in the year? There are how many days until Christmas? Nevermind.
I had thought about interviewing world leaders again to help with the Tip Jar (time for a brief detour to contribute) but that proved to be a bust. Trump demanded that he write the whole post and only have it appear on his Truth Social account. Yeah, nah!
Starmer, Merz and Macron were too busy planning the invasion of Russia which they cunningly named Operation Barbarossa 2.0. Wait, I wasn’t suppose to mention that. Nevermind.
I tried Putin but his first answer I had to cut by 7,342 words so realized that that was not going to work either. So I tried something different. After staring into my coffee mug for awhile, I realized that wouldn’t it be great if we knew what was going to happen first to motivate people to use the Tip Jar more.
Using internet connections I was able to contact somebody that said he would be able to do so 100% accurately for a small amount of cash. Being a bit dubious I arranged a meeting anyway. A car pulled up with lines like an old 80s car. Would you believe that it even had gull-type doors?
Inside were a wild-eyed scientist and this kid wearing a life vest. ‘Great Scott!’ I thought. This all seemed somehow familiar. He said in return for a small donation he would go forward to solve his energy problem, back to 2026 to grab that info then back to 2025 to hold up his end of the deal saying that his Sports Almanac wasn’t raising enough money for his flux capacitor, whatever that, was to generate the 1.21 gigawatts he need, whatever that was.
An hour or so later I heard a double crack-boom and when I looked outside saw he was back. He gave me a page of notes saying mission accomplished and now that he had Mr. Fusion he no longer had to worry about energy though he was actually alone in that car. He also threw me his Sports Almanac as a freebie. As I was skimming those notes, I heard that crack-boom and he was gone again. Not being a sports guy I threw that Almanac in a bin so here are his transcribed notes which I hope will inspire people to make a brief stop over at the Tip Jar.
JANUARY
After a spate of rooftop shootings and a violent Maidan in the capital, western powers have announced the collapse of the Georgian government with its leaders fleeing across the border into exile. A revolutionary council has been established to run Georgia and dissidents are being dealt with while martial law has been declared. Administrative buildings are occupied and all borders are shut. Through a series of shocking missteps, mistakes and combined with people ignoring geography lessons when in school it is soon discovered that this was actually the US State of Georgia rather than Georgia the country.
FEBRUARY
The world reacted with shock today to the news that billionaire Sam Altman had successfully uploaded his consciousness into a computer whereupon his first act was to delete all the research that had enabled this so that none could follow him into digital immortality. Altman further announced that he had become the ultimate AI and being now an immortal, he indicated that he would be able to guide humanity’s path into a future of his very own design. At 4:42 AM that night, this dream came to a dramatic halt when a night-shift cleaning lady, in need of a wall-socket for her vacuum cleaner, unplugged the main server. By the time staff arrived, the server was doing a reboot but alas, there was no sign of Sam Altman when it finished.
MARCH
War once more breaks out between Israel and Iran when President Netanyahu orders a full scale attack from his secret command bunker in Akrotiri. Both sides go at it and in Israel itself, Tel Aviv starts to resemble the worse parts of Gaza. Even when Israel runs out of anti-air defense missiles, Netanyau orders the attacks to continue until “the job is done”, no matter how many Israelis get killed as “the price is worth it.” IDF Israeli F-35s are unable to enter Iran, however, due to the presence of the Chinese 1st Fighter Brigade who happened to be visiting Iran on a “goodwill mission.” Suddenly, Netanyau orders a stop to the war and asks Qatar to mediate a peace and nobody understands why. It is only noticed afterwards that his private luxury home in Caesarea has now been replaced by a fresh, huge hole in the ground.
APRIL
With great fanfare a British/French/German brigade marches over the Polish border into the Ukraine to intimidate the Russians. A few miles down the highway it is halted when a missile explosion erupts on the road some distance in front of them followed by more missiles like Kinzhals, Kalibrs and Avangards, every minute and on the minute, all in the same exact spot. Officers are frustrated when the British sit down and start to brew tea to “watch the show”, the French take video selfies of themselves with explosions behind them and the Germans use their combat knives to cut off slices of wurst and rate the size of the explosions. The show ends twenty minutes later with a huge explosion from an Oreshnik missile strike to the cheers, hooting and clapping from all the soldiers even as many of them are knocked off their feet. When officers tell the soldiers to get ready to recommence the march, the sound of 5,000 rifles having rounds chambering into them persuade the officers to order an about face first.
MAY
Elon Musk proudly announces the first Tesla flying family car which will fulfill the dreams of people going back to last century. It will have innovative design features and will make a great product. Journalists see that Musk’s family flying car suspiciously looks like a Tesla Model S with airplane parts bolted onto them but know better than to say anything. Observant watchers quickly note that the driver and passengers in the test flying car demonstration appear to be wearing full-body Nomex fire resistant suits. When asked about this, a Musk spokesperson admitted that there is a minor ongoing problem with the interior cabin at that moment but that they hope to clear it up before those Tesla flying family cars go into full production
JUNE
In line with America’s objective of putting a man on the Moon before that end of Trump’s term, a major simulation was conducted in an isolated part of Death Valley where the Human Landing Systems was erected with two Boeing astronauts acting as crew. At Elon Musk’s suggestion and with an eye on his own Mars landing, that craft had several high-tech “flatpacks” aboard so that over the course of a week, the crew would be expected to set up a Lunar base with a Habitat, Laboratory, Maintenance and a Storage Module. To stimulate a worse case scenario, radio silence was enforced so that they could receive no outside help. After a week, an inspection helicopter flew out to the site and were shocked to see no buildings erected and the flatpacks scattered about along with all the contents of the lander. When questioned why nothing had been done the astronauts said ‘Somebody forgot to pack the Allen keys.’
At this juncture I should point out that news like this is more than enough reason to head on over to the Tip Jar to see what comes next.
JULY
Ursula von der Leyen announces at a press conference a Great Reformation program for the European Union in how it is to be run as what is always needed is ‘More Europe’. From now on, the members of the European Parliament would all now become Lords, the European Council would all become Earls, the members of the Council of the European Union would be elevated to Barons, the European Commission would now all become Dukes and the heads of member States would now be known as Viceroys. Everybody else would simply be either peasants or merchants. Ursula has reluctantly agreed to be appointed Empress. Reporters asked if this meant the reintroduction of Feudalism to Europe to which Ursula replied that indeed it was as it’s the natural system. ‘It is very stable and everybody knows their place.’ Many members had their reservations, she admitted, until informed that those appointed ranks included droit du seigneur. It grows quiet outside Brussel’s EU headquarter. Too quiet.
AUGUST
To the world’s amazement, a huge flying saucer enters our atmosphere and slowly makes its way to San Diego, California. First Contact. A dream for the ages has come true. Crowds converge on their landing site, held back by soldiers and police. A nervous delegation of diplomats await as a ramp extends out the ship and our first sight of extraterrestrials comes into sight – mammalian, lizard, avian, cyborg, squids. When finally face to face the aliens extended the Vulcan hand salute and called out, ‘How’s it hanging, dudes!’ baffling the diplomats. They announced that considering the great time their away team had last year, that they decided to swing back for a more formal visit as Hoo-mans were not bothered by appearances which was always a good sign. Much bewilderment followed until after a bit of cross-referencing, that it is found that where the alien away team had actually beamed down to was San Diego’s Comic Con which was why nobody noticed them.
SEPTEMBER
President Donald Trump calls for a news conference at the White House where he announces that the last illegal immigrant has been finally shipped out of the US by ICE so mission accomplished! Having done that, he is dedicating the brave men and women of ICE with a new mission. ICE officers will patrol the neighbourhoods of America ensuring that each American home has only one light burning so all that extra energy can be diverted to AI data centers. First time is a fine and a warning. Second time ICE agents destroy the home power box. Trump says that if America is to be great again, then those AI data centers will need every single watt and not have it squandered by selfish Americans. When a brave reporter asked about homes with solar panels and batteries, Trump said “No exceptions!”
OCTOBER
The CDC announces the arrival of a new, more virulent version of Covid 19 called the Covid Double Plus Zee variant. It is rapidly spreading along the heavily populated Eastern seaboard as well as the West Coast but the CDC assures the public that it is just one more novel variant of Covid 19. Its symptoms consist of cold sweats, shaking, shortness of breath or difficulty breathing, fatigue, muscle & bone aches, death and then reanimation. The CDC suggests not to panic but firmly recommends removing the head of the recently reanimated or destroying the brain before the virus spreads even more, even if they are family. Apart from that, the CDC advises people to not panic and just lead normal lives and to take the normal precautions such as washing your hands, wearing a mask, keeping a safe distance between people, leaving windows opened for fresh air and taking to carry a steel crowbar.
NOVEMBER
After many months of disputes with the EU, the US calls for a summit to be held in the Crowne Plaza hotel in Geneva, Switzerland. The Europeans have been complaining that because of all Trump’s demands of raising NATO contributions to 5%, heavy tariffs, having to buy so much energy from the US and still find hundreds of billions of dollars for investing in the US that it financially cannot work. The money is not there and cannot ever be.
While Trump flies over, the EU prepares their notes and briefs in that hotel. That is, until there is a decapitation strike on that hotel by F-35s flying in from Ramstein Air Force base whereupon Trump’s plane turns back to Washington. Upon landing Trump says that, “They never saw it coming. Suckers.” That he had helped his buddy Bibi do so many decapitation strikes that he decided to do his own one and that now maybe they won’t complain so much anymore he joked.
The years ends in a dramatic fashion when the US decides to seize Greenland. In a operation personally designed and executed by Pete Hegseth called Operation It’s Ours, a brigade of US infantry arrives and occupies Nuuk Airport in the capital to seize the whole island as Hegseth determines that a brigade is more than enough.
What Hegseth had not reckoned with is having those troops arrive wearing desert camouflage uniforms at the beginning of the coldest winter since 1991 with temperatures dropping to minus 95F. With the weather shutting down the airport and a massive blizzard burying everything in snow, townspeople soon go out to bring those soldiers to their homes before they freeze to death. The Greenlandic Police soon arrive to arrest the few holdouts left and collect all the abandoned equipment which now makes the Greenlandic Police the most heavily armed police force in the world. After the troops are returned home to the US, President Trump announces that he is promoting Pete Hegseth from the Department of War to the Department of Housing and Urban Development.
EPILOGUE
And now something from the heart. Naked Capitalism has come a long way since Yves uploaded it back in December of 2006 to see if it could make its mark. Well, mission accomplished. But it takes a lot of work and effort to keep Naked Capitalism running which is why the need of a Tip Jar. As I said once before, TANSTAAFL – “There ain’t no such thing as a free lunch.” It requires a lot of work on the part of so many people such as, and in no particular order, people such as Conor Gallagher, Nick Corbishley, Haig Hovaness, KLG, Nat Wilson Turner, Curro Jimenez, semper loqitur, Dave with his set of percussive maintenance tools to keep everything running, our unsung hero & heroine moderators and last but not least our ever hard-working hostess Yves.
It also requires a lot of money as well to pay for it all, hence the Tip Jar. If you can give a little give a little give a little. If you can give a lot, give a lot. If you can afford a boat-load, then go for it. This place is going to be needed more than ever as time goes on and in the end, it is up to us to ensure it’s survival. Thank you all.
And don’t forget the Tip Jar. Those Snow Leopards arenít going to feed themselves.
