Write Your Own Detention Slip: Judge Edward Chen hit Quinn Emanuel with nearly $3 million in sanctions and ordered three of its attorneys to complete an eight-hour ethics course that the firm itself must design.
Devil’s Food, Not Bundt Cake: The DOJ indicted a former federal prosecutor for emailing herself the still-secret volume of the Jack Smith report under the file name “Bundt_Cake_Recipe.pdf.” Because the administration REALLY doesn’t want that report going public.
Stand Down And Stand By Reaches Its Payday: Todd Blanche testifies that he’s not ruling out taxpayer funds flowing to pardoned J6 rioter — one convicted of molesting two children and reportedly promising victims “Trump bucks” for their silence out of $1.776 billion “Anti-Weaponization Fund.”
Temu Schoolhouse Rock: The Federal Circuit released a civic-education theme song boasting that judges “serve for life to stay independent and fair” — while it is actively in litigation for locking Judge Pauline Newman out of her courtroom.
Litigation Department Is Fine, Says Litigation Department On Fire: Paul, Weiss has lost even more litigators.
An Improper, Warrantless Breakfast: Judge suppressed evidence in the Luigi Mangione case after finding that Altoona police conducted an improper, warrantless search of his backpack at a McDonald’s — a ruling the press framed as the court “throwing him a bone” rather than the Fourth Amendment doing exactly what it is supposed to do.
$22,500 A Day For A Meme: Larry Bushart, a retired Tennessee sheriff who spent 37 days in jail for posting Facebook memes about Charlie Kirk’s death, settled his First Amendment suit against Perry County for $835,000 — proof that the arresting officers might have wanted to skim the Constitution before skipping straight to the cuffs.
Todd Blanche’s ‘Trump’s Personal Lawyer’ Shirt Has People Asking A Lot Of Questions Already Answered By His Shirt: Pressed by Senator Van Hollen on his conflict of interest, Blanche responded by yelling that the press should stop calling him Trump’s former personal lawyer despite being entirely accurate.
Arraignment Proceeds Without The Defendant — Or Her Dignity: A 33-year-old woman gave birth on a bench in a Brooklyn arraignment courtroom after being held more than 30 hours on low-level charges, and the system, rather than pausing for the arrival of a human being, simply ran the arraignment without her.
The Looksmaxxer Got Out-Looksmaxxed: Looksmaxxing influencer “Clavicular” took a plea deal for shooting a dead alligator on livestream, but the internet ignored the charge entirely and instead declared that Miami-Dade Judge Marcus Bach-Armas had decisively “mogged” the 20-year-old in his own courtroom.
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