Key takeaways
Make sure you’re not hungry, tired, or uncomfortable when you start the talk. Don’t blindside your partner with the money conversation.
Not everything will be solved or resolved in a single conversation.
Being honest about your debt is an important part of the money conversation.
When I told him I was ready to take “the next step” in our relationship, he thought I meant moving in together.
What I really meant was sharing our finances.
Talk about an awkward way to start “the money talk.” But it doesn’t have to be something to dread.
Here are a few ways to take the drama out of money talk:
Transform “the money talk” into date night
If you’re dreading having the money talk, why not reframe the conversation? Instead of making it feel like a chore, treat “the money talk” like date night.
Here’s how:
Schedule the conversation in advance so everyone has time to prepare. Try to schedule it on a low-stress day, so neither of you is coming into the conversation exhausted.
Feel your best and plan for a good night’s rest the day before. Make sure you’re not entering the date night tired, hungry, or uneasy.
Pair it with something pleasant, order in your favorite take-out, light your favorite candles, or treat yourself to a specialty beverage as a reward.
Spend extra time getting ready so you have a handle on all your financials and are prepared when you start the conversation. It’s helpful to have your key financial information, such as your total savings, debt amounts, and investments, so you can focus on your overall financial situation together. And nothing kills an already uncomfortable situation like searching for passwords.
Set a time limit, up to an hour, so neither of you burns out.
Ask for a second date to follow up on the topics you’ve discussed. It’s unlikely you’ll figure everything out in a single night, so consider scheduling a follow-up check-in to revisit the topic and clarify any other outstanding items you still need to clear up.
Make your conversation no judgement or shame, just truth
Try to enter the conversation with curiosity, not judgment; money is a more emotional topic than you realize. If the idea of talking about money with your partner feels awkward or uncomfortable, here are some questions you can start with.
How do you feel about money? Everyone was raised with a different perspective on money. Take time to share how you both feel about spending, saving, and risk tolerance.
Do you have debt? If so, what kind? Debt might feel shameful, but when you get it out in the open, you can approach it with honesty. Do either of you have a credit card, student debt, or personal loans? Be sure to share this information to avoid awkward interactions later.
What kind of emergency savings do you have? You can also talk about strategies to begin building emergency savings together.
What are your long-term and short-term financial goals? This can be both independently and together.
How do you want to handle joint spending? From date nights to shared rent or grocery bills, there’s no one right way to handle money between the two of you. You might want to split everything 50/50, or contribute proportionally based on income.
Love, money, and filing taxing without the drama
With the right mindset, the money conversation can be a tool to bring a couple closer together. Make it a special occasion, and treat it as an opportunity to get to know each other better, not just the bottom line.
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