How To Be the Leader Everyone Actually Wants To Work For

Last month, an old friend from grad school called me looking for some advice. Sarah (not her real name) is now a department chair at a mid-sized university, and she’d just finished what should have been a routine one-on-one meeting when a recent hire broke down discussing her heavy teaching load and the challenges of supporting students with their personal struggles.

“I completely blew it,” Sarah told me. “When she started crying about how overwhelmed she was, I panicked and said stupid things like ‘We all have challenges’ and ‘Try to stay positive.’ I watched her face just shut down. I wanted to help, but I made it so much worse. I don’t know how to handle these moments, and they keep happening more often.”

I reassured Sarah that her instinct to help was exactly right — she just needed better tools. We default to advice-giving or cheerleading because that’s what feels productive. But there’s a better way, and it’s simpler than she thought.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Higher education leaders today face more stress, trauma, and burnout among faculty and staff than ever. The old playbook of professional distance and “leave your problems at home” doesn’t work anymore. We need what David Grossman, author of “Heart First: Lasting Leader Lessons from a Year that Changed Everything,” calls “Heart First leadership” — an approach that combines empathy, humanity, and authenticity with getting results.

A New Understanding of Workplace Reality

Grossman’s concept of Heart First leadership emphasizes “being more authentic in leadership” and “championing authenticity to build stronger, more trusting relationships” that get better results. But Katharine Manning, author of “The Empathetic Workplace,” learned through decades of frontline work: “If you’re working with people, you’re working with people in trauma.”

This isn’t about treating normal work pressure like a major crisis. It’s about recognizing that everyone carries something — loss, anxiety, family struggles, health concerns, financial pressures, past wounds. These are good people struggling with real problems while trying to educate students or keep institutions running.

Most leadership training gets this backwards. We learn to manage problems, not support people. But when we dismiss someone’s struggles or offer quick fixes, we cause additional harm. Faculty struggle with imposter syndrome. Staff feel overwhelmed by impossible workloads. Administrators get caught between competing demands. They need leaders who know how to be both effective and human.

The LASER Method: Simple but Powerful

Manning spent decades as a victim advocate in the U.S. Department of Justice, working directly with people experiencing school shootings and other terrible tragedies. Out of all that hard experience, she created something simple: the LASER technique — a practical framework for Heart First leadership when someone shares something difficult.

The full framework includes:

Listen without interrupting. Don’t problem-solve; just let them speak. Use “looping” — repeat back a few words they said to show you’re hearing them.

Acknowledge their experience directly. “That sounds difficult” or “I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.” Avoid “at least” statements that minimize their pain.

Share relevant resources or information. Be specific: “Here’s who you can talk to” or “These are your options.” Don’t overwhelm them, but provide concrete next steps.

Empower by giving them choices. Ask: “What would be most helpful right now?” or “What do you want to happen next?” Respect their autonomy — they decide what actions to take.

Return to follow up later. This shows ongoing support and demonstrates that their well-being matters beyond this single conversation.

Remember: if you master just listening and acknowledging, you’re already most of the way there.

Real Leadership in Practice

When I coached Sarah on using LASER, she was skeptical. “Won’t this make me seem unprofessional? I’m supposed to be the strong one who has answers.”

This reflects a common misconception about Heart First leadership. Leading from the heart doesn’t mean being soft or weak. As Grossman notes, empathy and authenticity remain hallmarks of great leadership even as change accelerates and employee needs grow more complex. It means staying human while delivering results.

Sarah called me after trying just the first two steps — Listen and Acknowledge — when a faculty member shared anxiety about tenure review. “I forced myself to just listen instead of jumping in with advice like I usually do,” she told me. “Then I just said, ‘That sounds stressful, and I can see why you’re worried.’ That’s it. I didn’t try to fix anything.”

The result surprised her. “He relaxed. Then he started talking through his own solutions. By the end, he had a plan and thanked me for helping him think it through. All I did was listen and acknowledge how hard it was.”

Creating Safe Spaces

Everyone on your team is carrying something. Accept this reality, and everything changes. This means:

Normalize struggles. When leaders share their own challenges appropriately, it gives others permission to be human too.

Respond to mistakes with curiosity, not judgment. Ask “What happened?” instead of “Why did you do that?”

Recognize that behavior is communication. When someone becomes withdrawn or reactive, they’re often signaling distress.

Build in recovery time for yourself. Being a Heart First leader can be intense at times. Practice self-care.

The Impact on Institutional Culture

Some administrators worry trauma-informed approaches will slow things down or create drama. As a boss I worked for early in my career said, “We need to stop coddling people. They’re not babies. We’re paying them to work, not moan and whine.” But if I’ve learned one thing in the 30 years since, it’s that when you support people, they perform better, stay longer, and contribute more creatively.

I’ve seen teams become more honest about workload challenges before they reach crisis point. People start asking for help earlier instead of burning out silently. Meetings shift from surface-level updates to real problem-solving because team members trust their leader won’t dismiss their concerns.

Trauma and unaddressed stress drain enormous amounts of energy from people. When you create space for that stress to be acknowledged and supported, people get that energy back. They can put it toward the work that feeds their souls — teaching students, advancing research, and building programs that matter.

Starting Your Heart-Centered Journey

Remember Manning’s insight: you don’t need to master all five steps to make a difference. Focus on the first two:

Practice pure listening this week. When someone shares a concern, resist the urge to immediately offer solutions. Just let them talk. Practice simple acknowledgment. Try phrases like “That sounds difficult” or “I can see why that would be stressful.” Notice when you say “at least” and try acknowledgment instead. Remember: 80% of the impact comes from just listening and acknowledging.

Most importantly, shift your mindset. You’re not managing resources. You’re leading people dealing with real problems while trying to do meaningful work.

The Heart of Higher Education

Our institutions exist to develop human potential. We can’t do that effectively if we ignore the human experience of the people doing the work.

Heart First leadership isn’t about being a therapist or fixing everyone’s problems. It’s about helping people do their best work during difficult times.

Sarah called me last week with an update. “Our department’s climate survey just came back, and the psychological safety scores improved dramatically. But more importantly, I feel more connected to why I wanted to be a leader in the first place.”

She paused, then added: “I used to think being strong meant having all the answers. Now I know it means helping other people find their answers. And it turns out, most of the time they just need someone to really listen.”

That’s real leadership. And higher education desperately needs more of it.