If you’ve ever heard of the term “sober curious,” you may be wondering how it’s different from month-long sobriety challenges like Dry January or Sober October or even being completely sober. But living a sober curious lifestyle is different, and here’s why.
What It Means to Be “Sober Curious”
The term “sober curious” simply means you are asking questions about the role of alcohol in your life. For personal or wellness reasons, you are examining the “why” behind your drinking, the way alcohol affects you, and how you might feel if you cut back on the amount of alcohol you drink or stopped drinking for a while.
Sober curious should not be confused with the term sober. Someone who is sober does not use alcohol at all because they have alcohol use disorder, which is a diagnosable medical condition. Someone who is sober curious may not meet the medical criteria for alcohol use disorder, or they may not intend to give up alcohol permanently.
There are various reasons why someone who is sober curious may choose to avoid alcohol or only give it up for a certain period. Maybe you don’t like how alcohol makes you feel after you’ve had a drink or two. Maybe you enjoy one glass of wine a night but feel it has become too much a part of your routine.
Living a sober-curious lifestyle may have started among a small segment of the population, but it has grown into a mainstream movement with more and more people exploring a life without — or with less — alcohol.
Physical and Mental Health Benefits of Abstaining From Alcohol
Studies show that drinking alcohol has several negative health effects — from high blood pressure to increased cancer risk. In fact, U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy is recommending alcoholic products include warning labels that inform consumers about the link between alcohol intake and cancer. So, taking occasional breaks from alcohol, reducing your overall intake of it, or eliminating it altogether can have many positive health effects, including:
Improved sleep
Weight loss
Increased energy
Reduced anxiety
Clearer skin
Better insulin resistance
Lower blood pressure and risk for alcohol-related diseases
Improved mood, memory, and focus
Reduced cancer risk
Adopting a Sober Curious Lifestyle
If you make the decision to drink less or take a break from alcohol, how do you get started? First, be honest with yourself about your alcohol habits. Knowing how much you drink, in what environments you drink, and who you usually drink with can help you create new habits and routines that don’t center around alcohol.
Create a plan. If you want to cut back on your drinking, decide how many days a week you want to drink and what your drink limit is. For example, you may only decide to drink on Saturday nights and limit yourself to one drink. If you want to abstain from alcohol for a month or longer, that means you’ll have to replace some of your habits around drinking. Planning what that looks like ahead of time can help you stick to your decision.
Find your community. This means connecting with other sober or sober curious people. Once you make the choice to go alcohol-free, connecting with like-minded people can help you feel less alone. And if you discover that it’s hard to find sober curious people in your current social circle, there are many online options including sober/sober curious social media groups, peer support groups, and sober/sober curious dating sites. Surround yourself with people who support your choice to drink less/stop drinking.
Control your environment. This means avoiding certain people, places, or activities that pressure or tempt you to drink more than you plan. Reduce the amount of time you spend with those people, in those places, or doing those activities. For example, instead of a happy hour with coworkers, suggest going out for lunch instead. If you always meet your college buddies at a bar, suggest a hike, pick-up basketball game, yoga, or pickleball. It may also be helpful to remove alcohol from your home.
Find new hobbies or activities. When you’re taking a break from alcohol, it can be helpful to find a new hobby or activity to fill the time you used to spend drinking. This might be trying a new sport, joining a book club, learning a new craft or language, or trying a new exercise class. Activities that provide meaning, enjoyment, or a sense of mastery can help boost your mood and help you avoid the urge to drink.
Practice mindful drinking. If you’re trying to drink less, or you took a break from alcohol and are slowly incorporating it back into your life, try to practice moderation. While you may still enjoy a drink here or there, you should focus on quality over quantity. You can drink a cocktail and follow it with a non-alcoholic option like a fizzy club soda or a fancy mocktail, or non-alcoholic beer or wine.
Most importantly, pay attention to your body, and be aware of the effects of alcohol on your mind and body. If you do decide to start drinking again, hopefully your break from drinking will help you have a healthier relationship with alcohol going forward — which is one of the goals of the sober curious movement.
A Note About Celebrating Without Alcohol
You may have successfully reduced or eliminated alcohol from your daily life for a month or so, but then a holiday or celebration arises, throwing a wrench in your new routine. Holidays and other celebrations can be difficult for sober/sober curious people since holidays have long been associated with alcohol and drinking culture. Luckily, if you prepare ahead of time, you’ll be better equipped to handle any hiccups that come your way.
Find out party details ahead of time and plan accordingly. If there are areas of the party or people who might trigger your desire to drink, plan to steer clear.
Know that other people will be drinking.
Bring your own non-alcoholic drink.
Have a trusted friend you can talk to either at the party or via text or phone call.
Have a flexible arrival and departure schedule.
Support for Loved Ones Abstaining From Alcohol
Perhaps you still drink but you have a friend or family member who has decided to take a break from drinking or quit drinking altogether. There are ways to be a good friend and support them in their decision.
Although there has long been a stigma associated with those who abstain from alcohol, luckily that is changing somewhat as it becomes more common for people to reduce or eliminate alcohol from their lives. You can help reduce the stigma by supporting friends and family members who may choose not to drink. The truth is, there are many reasons why people abstain from alcohol and unless someone wants to share their reasons, it truly is none of your business. Here are some ways you can help change the culture around alcohol consumption.
Don’t pressure people to drink. If someone orders a non-alcoholic beverage, don’t ask them why they aren’t drinking or pressure them to get “just one drink.”
Offer a variety of non-alcoholic beverages. If you are hosting a gathering, make sure you offer fun non-alcoholic drink options. This doesn’t just mean juice or soda or sparkling water. Luckily, fancy mocktails are having a moment. Research a fun mocktail recipe and offer that as an alternative alongside cocktails.
Do your research ahead of time. If you’re going out to a restaurant with someone who doesn’t drink, check out the menu online and see if they offer creative non-alcoholic drinks. Many restaurants now offer mocktails that are just as fancy and delicious as their alcoholic counterparts. And now there are even sober social clubs/bars popping up across the country for those who are sober or sober curious.
Explore new meet-up locations. Oftentimes, the go-to for a meet-up with a friend is a bar or restaurant. Switch things up and meet up for coffee, or even better, go for a walk together.
Resources for IBX Members
IBX has many in-person and virtual resources available for members who want to reduce the amount of alcohol they drink or think they have a problem with alcohol and need help.
