You know that friend who constantly puts themselves down during casual conversations? Or maybe you’ve caught yourself doing it—dropping little self-deprecating comments that seem harmless but actually reveal something deeper.
I used to think these phrases were just humility or humor until I started paying attention to the pattern. After dealing with anxiety since my early twenties, I’ve become hyperaware of how our words reflect our inner dialogue. The things we say in passing conversations often expose our deepest insecurities and self-perceptions.
Psychology backs this up. According to research in cognitive behavioral therapy, our speech patterns directly reflect our thought patterns, creating what psychologists call “cognitive distortions” that shape how we see ourselves and the world around us.
Today, I want to share eight phrases that people commonly say which reveal they don’t actually like themselves very much. You might recognize some of these—I certainly did.
1. “I’m such an idiot”
This one hits close to home. How many times have you made a small mistake and immediately labeled yourself with harsh language? Forgetting your keys doesn’t make you an idiot. Missing a deadline doesn’t mean you’re incompetent. Yet we throw these words around like they’re nothing.
When someone regularly calls themselves stupid, dumb, or an idiot, they’re engaging in what psychologists call “labeling“—a cognitive distortion where we reduce ourselves to a single negative trait. It’s not just self-deprecating humor; it’s self-abuse disguised as a casual comment.
2. “I don’t deserve this”
Ever received a compliment, promotion, or kind gesture and immediately felt the urge to say you don’t deserve it? This phrase reveals a deep-seated belief in our own unworthiness.
I noticed this pattern after my breakup when I finally started therapy. Good things would happen, and my immediate response was to question why they were happening to me.
This mindset keeps us from fully accepting positive experiences and reinforces the belief that we’re somehow less worthy than others.
3. “I’m sorry for existing”
Okay, people don’t literally say this, but they might as well. It comes out as “Sorry for bothering you” when asking a legitimate question, or “Sorry for taking up your time” when having a normal conversation.
Constant, unnecessary apologizing reveals someone who believes their very presence is an inconvenience.
This excessive apologizing often stems from childhood experiences where we learned that taking up space was somehow wrong. We carry this into adulthood, apologizing for things that require no apology.
4. “I hate myself when…”
Whether it’s “I hate myself when I eat too much” or “I hate myself when I procrastinate,” this phrase is alarmingly common. We’ve normalized expressing hatred toward ourselves for normal human behaviors.
Think about it—would you ever tell a friend you hate them for eating an extra slice of pizza?
The casual cruelty we direct at ourselves reveals a fundamental lack of self-compassion that runs deeper than we might realize.
5. “I’m not like other people”
This phrase can go two ways, both revealing self-dislike.
Sometimes it’s said with false superiority: “I’m not like other people who need help”—which masks deep insecurity.
Other times it’s said with resignation: “I’m not like other people who can handle stress well.”
Either way, it creates separation between ourselves and others, reinforcing the belief that we’re fundamentally different or flawed.
During my panic attack at twenty-seven, I remember thinking exactly this, that everyone else could handle deadline pressure except me. It took therapy to realize this isolating thought pattern was part of the problem.
6. “Nobody actually likes me”
Have you ever been invited somewhere and thought, “They’re just being polite”? Or received positive feedback and assumed it wasn’t genuine?
This phrase and its variations reveal what psychologists call “mind reading“—assuming we know what others think, and it’s always negative.
People who say this are essentially calling everyone around them liars. Friends say they enjoy their company? They’re lying. Colleagues compliment their work? Just being nice.
It’s a defensive mechanism that protects us from disappointment but also prevents us from accepting genuine connection.
7. “I can’t do anything right”
All-or-nothing thinking at its finest. One mistake becomes evidence that we’re completely incompetent. One rejection means we’ll never succeed.
This phrase ignores all evidence of our capabilities and achievements. It’s a kind of overgeneralization that maintains low self-esteem and can contribute to depression.
When we repeatedly tell ourselves we can’t do anything right, we stop trying, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.
8. “I’m just being realistic”
This is the sneakiest one because it sounds rational.
When someone deflects compliments or downplays achievements by saying they’re “just being realistic,” they’re actually engaging in what’s called “disqualifying the positive“—a cognitive distortion identified in research where positive experiences don’t count.
I used to pride myself on being “realistic” about my abilities. Turns out, I was just finding sophisticated ways to dismiss my accomplishments. Real realism acknowledges both strengths and weaknesses, not just the negatives.
Final thoughts
Recognizing these phrases in our own speech is the first step toward changing the narrative. We’re often our own harshest critics, saying things to ourselves we’d never say to someone we care about.
The good news? Language patterns can be changed. Once you start noticing these phrases, you can begin catching yourself and choosing different words.
Instead of “I’m such an idiot,” try “I made a mistake.”
Instead of “Nobody actually likes me,” consider “I’m feeling insecure right now.”
Our words shape our reality more than we realize. The phrases we use in everyday conversation aren’t just words—they’re revelations of how we truly see ourselves.
Maybe it’s time we started speaking to ourselves like we would to a good friend. After all, we’re stuck with ourselves for life. Might as well make it a kind relationship.
