Child support is designed to equalize the financial burden of separated parents. Child support is calculated based on the amount it costs to care for a child and the incomes of the two parents. However, child support can be a harsh lease for both mothers and fathers. Fathers must consistently pay for child support regardless of how the mother spends the money and whether the father can even see the children. Some mothers run the risk of continued relations and exposure to a man who was abuser previously. However, the complaints regarding child support is the same even if the sexes are different: a loss of power/control for both the supporter and the supportive.
Mothers
Child support can lead to financial abuse of women by their ex-partners. The fathers may hide assets to shield their own income, engage in identity theft, insist that the mother quit her job, or the father may stop working to dodge child support payments altogether.
Abusers may also use the children to perpetuate further financial abuse. The fathers may tell the kids that their mother is taking all their money or that the mother can afford to give them things because she is receiving child support. Abusers may also use child support as a means of extracting concessions such as access to the child and/or the mother, both of whom may become vulnerable to physical violence as a result.
Escaping domestic violence when the partners were leaving together can be tough, but child support may lead to that abuser continuing for several more years or even decades depending on how old the children are. As a result, some women may feel it is safer or easier not to pursue any payments or try to recover debts through the system, leaving them and their children poorer even if the father has a legal obligation to pay.
Fathers
Conversely, some fathers may also be frustrated by the child support structure. Men often have no control over how child support is spent and no guarantees or rights even if child support is made to the letter. A father still has to fight for visitation even if he is financially responsible. Meanwhile, the mother could spend the money on anything or anyone with no oversight as to whether the money is actually being spent on the children. Just as some fathers may hide assets or stop working to avoid making payments, some mothers may engage in the same tactics to obtain more money for herself, even when she is supposed to spend on the children.
Child support is calculated based on the parents’ income, other dependents, and various other expenses. This calculus changes as life moves forward. Some men may have relations with other women and marry and have additional children with their new wives. They will still be on the hook for child support to their previous children.
A parent should be financially responsible for all their children regardless of how many children they have and with whom. However, the continual relationship makes it difficult, if not impossible, for the father to completely separate from the mother who borne the children. The parents will likely still see each other at graduation parties, weddings, and other events in the children’s life. While some women who alleged they were abused may not want to see their former partner ever again, sharing a child together may not make that separation possible. It is not the fathers’ fault if the obligation to a child means the parents must also interact from time to time.
The Children
Child support is often discussed in the context of the parents. Both parents feel a lack control and contend the other one is abusive. In some cases, this concern is very real. Some people are controlling and even violent and it is imperative for both the other parent and the children that contact be severed to ensure everyone’s safety.
However, parenthood inherently means the parents have to surrender their time, money, and lives to raise their children. A parent has to take their children to school events or doctor appointments instead of the parent being able to take a vacation. It also means the parents have to spend money on their children instead of themselves.
Perhaps what parents want during a child support dispute isn’t control – that is gone the moment their first child is born. Instead, the issue is one of transparency. Men want to know that their child support is being spent on their children and not on frivolous things. Women want to know that their safety and their children’s safety are a real concern if the father has a history of abuse. In instances where transparency and trust are low, court intervention may be necessary to ensure that everyone’s concerns are addressed.
Do I Need a Lawyer for My Family Law Issue?
If you have difficulty seeing your child as the holidays approach, you should contact a family lawyer today. A skilled family lawyer can answer your questions, provide guidance on your case, and represent your best interests in court.
