Processing grief and healing after loss

It’s human nature to make meaningful connections with others and build communities that shape our identity. When someone we cherish is no longer with us — due to death, divorce, illness, or major life changes — their absence leaves a noticeable void.

We may instinctively reach for the phone to call them, only to be reminded they are gone. These moments reveal how deeply our brains remain wired for connection, even in the face of loss.

Grief produces hormonal changes that affect how the mind and body react to being separated from a loved one. This overlap explains why loss can feel physically overwhelming, and why healing unfolds gradually, often in stages. This response is not a flaw; it is part of being human.

Stages of grief

Grief affects everyone differently, but there is comfort in understanding the common experiences people have as they work through it. One widely recognized model outlines five common stages of grief, not as a strict sequence, but a guide to healing:

Denial. Denial is often the first reaction. It is a defense mechanism that helps cushion the emotional impact.
Anger. After a loss, people often feel angry. It may be directed inward or toward others, even toward a higher power. This stage often stems from feeling the situation is unfair or senseless.
Bargaining. In this stage, people try to make sense of what happened. Thoughts of “If I only had…” or “What if things had gone differently?” are common. Bargaining reflects the desire to regain control or rewrite the outcome.
Depression. Sadness and hopelessness often follow. This stage can affect sleep, energy, appetite, and focus. People may also disengage from others or stop participating in activities they used to enjoy. According to the American Psychiatric Association, if these feelings last a year or more and disrupt daily life, it may signal Prolonged Grief Disorder, a condition where persistent grief symptoms interfere with daily functioning. Talking with a therapist or joining in-person or virtual support groups can be helpful.
Acceptance. Acceptance is the final stage. It does not mean “getting over” the loss. Instead, it is about learning to live with it. People realize they can keep their loved one’s memory alive as they begin to heal and adapt to a new normal. This can involve focusing on happy memories, what you learned throughout the grieving process, and even insights about yourself.

How to support someone experiencing grief

Dr. Ryan Connolly, senior medical director of behavioral health at Independence Blue Cross (IBX), says, “Grief can be highly dynamic. One day, you might feel at peace with your loss, but, at other times, you can feel overwhelmed by it. The absence of a loved one can also transform happy times like holidays and birthdays into more somber occasions. Even hearing a loved one’s favorite song can unexpectedly trigger strong emotions. This is all part of the grieving process.”

Understanding the depth and duration of grief can help us approach those who are hurting with greater empathy. The truth is, people do not need perfect words or quick solutions. Often, what helps most is your presence, patience, and stability.

Dr. Connolly says there are many meaningful ways you can help someone heal after loss, such as:

Listen. Resist the urge to offer solutions. Sometimes the best thing you can do is simply be there and listen. Let them speak freely without interruption or judgment.
Acknowledge the loss. Mentioning their loved one or situation can be comforting if they’re open to it. Acknowledge their grief when they’re ready but respect their space if they’re not. Silence and avoidance can feel isolating, yet pushing too soon can cause harm.
Let them grieve. Grieving is a natural, human response. Some people may cry; others may withdraw or even seem unaffected at first. Let them feel the emotion, even if it is uncomfortable. There is no “right” way to grieve, only a way that feels right for that person in the moment.
Be patient. Some days can feel manageable, while others can feel unexpectedly heavy. Your patience and understanding can be a powerful source of comfort.
Check in consistently. A simple message, a kind gesture, or just showing up can remind someone that they are not alone. Knowing someone is there, without pressure, can mean more than words.

Resources to help navigate grief

According to Dr. Connolly, “For most people, grief and loss are best processed out loud and with others. Talking about your feelings helps the healing process. Seeking support from others is one of the strongest steps you can take for yourself. Sharing your feelings with someone you trust can lighten the emotional load and remind you that you are not alone.”

Acts of self-care — like meditating, journaling, or spending time in nature — can also help soothe your nervous system and offer moments of peace.

Talking to a mental health professional can be a powerful step toward healing. Coping with loss and grief is a common reason many people seek help. Therapists can validate your feelings and help you process loss so you can rebuild a sense of meaning. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting your loved one; it means learning to live with their memory in a way that supports your growth.

Whether you are navigating personal loss or supporting someone who is, there are compassionate resources available both locally and nationally. You are not alone. Whether you reach out today or next week, support is waiting.

Below are services that offer emotional support, crisis intervention, and mental health care:

Local support

National resources

Help Guide: Coping with Grief and Loss
National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988
Veterans Crisis Line: Call 988, then press 1 or text 838-255
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA): Call 800-662-4357
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741-741

IBX members have access to our Behavioral Health Care Navigation team, who will take the time to understand your needs and preferences to help you find the right care and support. They can even schedule an appointment for you with an in-network provider.

Members also have access to on-demand digital emotional wellness exercises at no additional cost through Self Care by Spring Health*. These exercises and videos can bring immediate relief from pressing concerns and help you become more resilient.

For more information about mental health, self-care strategies, and where to find help, visit ibx.com/knowyourmind.

*Spring Health is an independent company.