One of the best-known idioms about lawyers is the quote attributed to Abraham Lincoln, “A lawyer’s time and advice are his stock in trade.” But I doubt you have ever heard this one: “A good lawyer knows the law; a great lawyer knows where the law keeps its spare keys.”
Last week, social media was abuzz with the discovery that Google search’s AI would provide plausible-sounding explanations for nonsensical, made-up idioms.
What kicked it all off were a couple of posts on Threads and Bluesky in which posters shared Google’s explanations of made-up phrases such as “you can’t lick a badger twice” and “peanut butter platform heels.”
So, just for some Friday fun, I decided to come at the nonsensical idiom game from a different angle. Rather than feeding AI idioms I made up, I gave it the job of making up the idioms.
My very simple prompt to Claude was: “Can you make up some nonsensical idioms about lawyers?”
It did not disappoint. In seconds, it gave me these 12:
“A lawyer with wet socks wins twice as many motions.”
“When the briefcase yawns, the judge dreams of pancakes.”
“Better to lend your cufflinks to a shark than your timesheet to a lawyer.”
“A lawyer who counts backwards can find loopholes in gravity.”
“The gavel falls loudest when the lawyer has forgotten to water their ferns.”
“Three lawyers in an elevator means Tuesday will have extra minutes.”
“A good lawyer knows the law; a great lawyer knows where the law keeps its spare keys.”
“When a lawyer smiles at breakfast, expect rain in the courtroom by noon.”
“The lawyer who arranges books by color will eventually represent the dictionary.”
“Never trust a lawyer whose tie knows your middle name.”
“In the garden of justice, lawyers are the stubborn weeds that somehow win gardening competitions.”
“A lawyer’s whisper can make statues file for unemployment.”
The Idioms, Explained
But then it did me one better. “Would you like me to explain any of these?” it asked.
How could I say no.
So here are the idioms with their explanations:
1. “A lawyer with wet socks wins twice as many motions.”
This suggests that minor discomfort or inconvenience somehow enhances a lawyer’s performance. The absurdity lies in connecting something as trivial as sock dampness to legal success, as if personal discomfort creates greater focus or determination in the courtroom.
2. “When the briefcase yawns, the judge dreams of pancakes.”
This idiom creates an impossible personification (a yawning briefcase) and connects it to another nonsensical outcome (influencing a judge’s dreams). It playfully suggests that even mundane objects in court have mysterious powers over legal proceedings.
3. “Better to lend your cufflinks to a shark than your timesheet to a lawyer.”
This compares two unwise actions, suggesting that lawyers are even more dangerous than sharks when it comes to certain possessions. It plays on the stereotype that lawyers are obsessive about billable hours and might exploit access to your timesheet.
4. “A lawyer who counts backwards can find loopholes in gravity.”
This implies that the peculiar skill of backward counting gives lawyers supernatural abilities to circumvent even the laws of physics. It exaggerates the stereotype that lawyers can find exceptions to seemingly absolute rules.
5. “The gavel falls loudest when the lawyer has forgotten to water their ferns.”
This creates a false correlation between plant care and legal outcomes, suggesting that neglecting personal responsibilities somehow affects courtroom acoustics or judicial decisions.
6. “Three lawyers in an elevator means Tuesday will have extra minutes.”
This plays with the idea that lawyers have mysterious effects on time itself, suggesting their concentration in small spaces warps reality. It parodies superstitions and legal stereotypes about lawyers manipulating circumstances.
7. “A good lawyer knows the law; a great lawyer knows where the law keeps its spare keys.”
This builds on a common structure for genuine idioms but adds an absurd element. It personifies “the law” as having physical keys, suggesting that elite lawyers have access to secret workarounds or insider knowledge.
8. “When a lawyer smiles at breakfast, expect rain in the courtroom by noon.”
This creates a false cause-and-effect relationship between a lawyer’s morning mood and later meteorological conditions in an indoor space. It plays on the idea that lawyers have ominous powers or that their unusual happiness portends trouble.
9. “The lawyer who arranges books by color will eventually represent the dictionary.”
This suggests that unconventional organizational methods lead to unusual clients. It plays on the idea of dictionaries as authorities on language, implying a lawyer with quirky habits might end up representing the ultimate authority on words.
10. “Never trust a lawyer whose tie knows your middle name.”
This gives clothing impossible knowledge and warns against lawyers with mysteriously well-informed accessories. It exaggerates concerns about lawyer confidentiality and information gathering.
11. “In the garden of justice, lawyers are the stubborn weeds that somehow win gardening competitions.”
This extended metaphor portrays lawyers as unwanted elements in the justice system that nevertheless succeed and thrive, suggesting they win through persistence rather than merit.
12. “A lawyer’s whisper can make statues file for unemployment.”
This attributes impossible power to lawyers’ words, suggesting they can animate the inanimate and create such profound changes that even stone figures would need to seek new income sources.
Not done yet, Claude offered this final explanation:
“These idioms work through absurdist humor by creating impossible situations, false correlations, and exaggerating stereotypes about the legal profession. They mimic the structure and cadence of genuine folk wisdom while containing clearly impossible or nonsensical elements.”
