Last Thursday, Kaitlynn (our 17-year-old) took Micah (our 2-year-old) with her to Target. He was so excited to be going on a little outing with her. But about 20 minutes later, my phone started ringing.
It was a FaceTime call… and on the other end of the screen was a very distraught Micah, full-on sobbing.
“I want to buy a toy and Kaitlynn won’t let me!” he cried. “She says I don’t have my money and I can’t buy it if I don’t have money!”
My mama heart melted. His big tears. His little voice. His obvious heartbreak. I wanted to scoop him up and fix it. To tell Kaitlynn, “Just buy him the toy!”
But I caught myself… and I didn’t.
Because even though he’s only two, I knew deep down this was a powerful teaching moment.
We’re Not Just Parenting for the Now…
One of the biggest gifts we can give our kids is to think about their future — not just their present. What will they face when they are out on their own? What habits and mindsets will serve them best as adults?
That long-term thinking is what leads us to start teaching money skills early in our home.
We want our kids to understand the value of money, the importance of working for what they want, and how to be thoughtful and intentional with spending.
We’ve started having these conversations with Micah over the past few months. We are giving him opportunities to do extra chores to earn money and we remind him often that if he wants to buy a toy or something else when he goes on a shopping outing, he needs to bring his own money for it.
So when Micah didn’t have his money at Target, Kaitlynn did exactly what we’ve tried to model over the years: she gently explained that if he didn’t bring his money, he couldn’t buy anything. Just like we did with her when she was little.
I couldn’t be more proud of her, even though it was really hard to stand my ground and follow through on this one when I saw Micah’s tears.
But you know what? He came home and told every single family member about how he was going to earn money for the next time he goes to Target so he could buy that $1 toy car. And he has repeatedly talked about it ever since Thursday.
It’s clear that he got the message and he is highly motivated now. I can’t wait for him to get to go back to Target soon and buy that $1 car. He is going to feel so proud of his efforts and we will praise him and all celebrate with him in his accomplishments!
It Starts When They’re Little
The way we interact with money in front of our kids — even our toddlers — is what lays the foundation for their financial understanding later in life.
If we want them to take ownership and responsibility for their finances as adults, we need to start shaping that mindset when they’re young.
That doesn’t mean we never buy things for our kids. But it does mean we’re intentional about helping them grasp that money isn’t limitless, and that we work to earn it — and we appreciate what we have more when we’ve had to wait or work for it.
If we always give in and buy the toy, we rob them of the opportunity to:
Learn the joy of saving and working toward a goal. Practice patience. Cultivate contentment. Grow in gratitude for what they already own.
Don’t Underestimate What Your Kids Are Capable Of
I got a little pushback over the weekend when I shared this on Instagram. Some parents really didn’t feel like a 2-year-old can understand money or this concept of doing work to earn money in order to buy something.
Every child is different, yes. David is 4 and has Down syndrome and other medical complexities and I wouldn’t expect this same level of understanding or personal ownership from him when it comes to money. But the concept of looking for ways to encourage him to take personal ownership is still the same. We have him help out by closing doors and carrying things and trying to buckle himself into his car seat and trying to put his toys away.
Every child is different, yes… but most kids are capable of far more than we give them credit for.
When we believe in them, speak life over them, and give them the opportunity to try and grow — they often rise to the challenge.
That’s why I say: let them try. Let them fail. Let them problem-solve. Let them be proud of their effort and progress — even if it’s messy or imperfect.
Just the other night, Kierstyn (she turns 5 this month!) wanted to make David’s tube feed formula all by herself. It’s a multi-step process with lots of ingredients and scoops. I didn’t think she could do it… but I didn’t tell her that.
Instead, I said, “I love that you want to help. Do you know what to do?”
She went and got almost every ingredient on her own (she only forgot one!). I guided her on the measurements — and she did it perfectly. I only helped mix and pour it into the bag.
She was SO proud of herself and I was so impressed! It was a reminder to me just how much she is capable of and to make sure I’m not putting limits on her just because she is little. These little moments matter. They’re building blocks for confidence, resilience, and independence.
The same is true for any age child — whether they are a toddler or a teenager or even in college or an adult. Believe in them, let them try, speak words of life over them, tell them how capable they are, and give them opportunities to practice taking more and more ownership of their lives as they grow and learn.
We’re Raising Adults, Not Just Kids
My hope isn’t to raise perfect kids. My hope is to raise kids who love Jesus, who have a strong work ethic, and who believe in their ability to face hard things and solve problems.
That’s why we start early.
That’s why I let them try, even when it’s tempting to jump in and do it for them. And that’s why I think it’s important that we let them fail sometimes, too… like not getting that toy at Target because they didn’t bring their money. It’s not a failure if they learn from it and if it provides a powerful lesson that will lead to more success in the future!
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