For Sara Zeff Geber, the “aha moment” came a few years ago as she listened to a friend recount all the tasks she was taking on to help her increasingly frail 91-year-old mother.
Ms. Geber, now 74, realized that there was no obvious person to turn to if she and her husband needed a hand as they grew older. “Who is going to do this for us?” she wondered. The disquieting answer: “No one.”
Solo aging — people growing older without reliable support from adult children or other relatives — has become increasingly common, largely because baby boomers and Gen Xers, by choice or circumstance, are childless at about twice the rate of previous generations. According to AARP, about a third of people 50 and older now live alone and don’t have children, are estranged from their children or can’t depend on them or other family members for help. Millions more who, like Ms. Geber, are married without children, will also eventually be on their own after a spouse dies.
These solo agers face many of the same planning issues as older adults with children — figuring out how they will manage their future care if their health falters, where they should live and how to make their money last. But their different circumstances often warrant different solutions.
“The lack of an easily identifiable default person to step up if you need help means solo agers have to approach retirement planning with an extra layer of intentionality and urgency,” said Rob Lyman, president of Johnson Lyman Wealth Advisors, a wealth management firm in Los Altos, Calif.
If you’re a solo ager or might be one day, experts recommend you begin thinking about your options as soon as possible, before a crisis hits. “You cannot plan for every eventuality,” said Ms. Geber, who now has a support system in place, and after years as a management consultant in Los Gatos, Calif., has made a second career as a solo aging consultant. “But you can ensure your most urgent needs are covered.”
Pick Your People
Research shows that solo agers worry more than other older adults about who will help them as they age and whether their wishes regarding health care, money and living arrangements will be honored. Yet few have made plans to ensure their fears won’t be realized.
Only about 40 percent, for instance, have drawn up documents indicating who can make financial and medical decisions on their behalf and their preferences about the care they want if they become incapacitated. Fewer than 20 percent have made plans for continuing assistance.
“People don’t want to think about the problems of getting older, especially when there aren’t easy solutions to the people part of it,” said Ailene Gerhardt, a certified senior adviser and founder of Navigating Solo, a resource clearinghouse for solo agers. “But the alternative is worse.”
At a minimum, you need a basic estate plan that includes advance directives laying out your wishes about medical treatment and end-of-life care; a will that specifies how you want your assets distributed after you die; and a health care proxy and durable power of attorney that names people you trust to make medical and financial decisions if you are incapacitated. Also important: a letter spelling out everything from how to care for your pet to who you want to inherit your jewelry, art and other prized possessions.
Whom to choose as decision makers — you need a primary person and one or two alternates — is what commonly trips up solo agers. While older adults who have children or are married usually name offspring or spouses as proxies, solo agers most commonly choose a sibling, if available — and that can be a mistake.
“The best option generally is a family member who is a generation younger than you, like a niece or a nephew — someone mature enough to handle the responsibility but not so old that they face the same challenges of aging as you do,” Mr. Lyman said.
Whoever you choose, talk to them first to make sure they’re up for the task. Then, revisit your plans periodically. “Choices that seem good now may look different in five years,” Ms. Gerhardt said.
Rethink ‘Home’
It’s also important to have people you can count on for day-to-day needs as they arise. Who could you call for help if you have an emergency at 2 a.m.? If you go to the hospital, who will take care of your cat and make sure you don’t come home to spoiled milk in the fridge?
“Having strong social connections where people watch out for one another is important for solo agers for both practical and emotional reasons,” Ms. Geber, the author of “Essential Retirement Planning for Solo Agers,” said. “The enemy is isolation and loneliness.”
Moving to a community with built-in support for older residents and plenty of opportunity for social interaction can be a solution. “People say they want to age in place, but living alone without nearby family support gets harder and more expensive as you age if you need to pay people to, say, mow your lawn or provide personal care,” said Joy Loverde, author of “Who Will Take Care of Me When I’m Old?” “It’s a good idea to explore other housing options that may allow you to live independently longer.”
Ms. Loverde is a fan of naturally occurring retirement communities, or NORCs — apartment buildings or housing complexes where, by happenstance rather than design, a large percentage of residents are older. Neighbors often end up looking out for one another, Ms. Loverde said. And, for a nominal fee, many NORCs provide services for older residents, such as transportation, preventive health programs and social activities. (Your local Area Agency on Aging can provide information about NORCs in your area.)
A variation on the NORC theme: the Village to Village Network, a community membership program in which neighbors come together to help one another with practical support as they age, including light home maintenance, running errands and social events. Other possibilities include active adult developments for people 55 and older and continuing care retirement communities, which provide a continuum of housing and services, based on need, from independent living to assisted living to skilled nursing care.
A lower-cost alternative is home sharing, a la “The Golden Girls,” facilitated by roommate matching services like HomeShare Online and Home Match. “The assumption is that housemates will look out for each other, loneliness is avoided and they form a family of sorts,” Ms. Geber said.
Lean on Professional Help
Daunted by the challenges of putting a plan in place? Consider tapping into the broad network of professionals who can help solo agers identify options for support or fill needed roles themselves.
Take everyday money management. Four in 10 solo agers worry they’ll need help with their finances, AARP reports. You can get a hand via a bill-paying service like SilverBills or work with a daily money manager who, in addition to paying bills, can handle routine tasks like balancing your checkbook and organizing tax information.
It’s also a good idea to meet with a financial adviser to help figure out what services and living arrangements you can afford and what steps you can take to ensure that your financial resources last your lifetime. That’s true for all older people but especially important for solo agers, who tend to have lower incomes and less in savings than partnered households.
“Money weaves in and out of every plan a solo ager needs to make, so it’s critical to get a handle on what you’re working with,” Ms. Loverde said.
Other helpful professionals include an estate planning lawyer to draw up your will, advance directives and other legal documents; a certified senior adviser to help navigate care and housing options; and a professional fiduciary, who could help manage your affairs and make decisions on your behalf in the future, if needed.
The payoff to making plans, experts said, goes beyond practical support. “Many solo agers experience a lot of angst, worrying about worst-case scenarios,” Mr. Lyman said. “Putting together a plan in advance gives you peace of mind.”
